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DD's of 2005 by krissimonsta

Literature by RiskALittleLight

Literature by drkelement

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Submitted on
September 5, 2004
File Size
1.5 KB


4,445 (1 today)
103 (who?)

Thine eyes, at night, reply
   with glimpses, torrents and throes;
   batting lashes as phoenix ashes,
   skips of stone on open shores.

          Wax to wane to bend friendly,
          may this season be neverending:
          rain drops on top,
          wholesome sun on sole,
          frosted futures,
          the non-stop motion of blossoms.

          Thine eyes, at times, defy
          all psychic laws,
          some physical, too;
          there's whimsy, lipstick, demure posture -
          one is lost in you.

   The trickle that tickles the seed
   is budding infinitely;
   deafening, blinding, enlightening –
   thou shine through aquamarine dreams:
this is what it must be like to see.
a poem.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2005-11-02
An unusual but engaging love poem, go ahead and get lost in Blue Skies by ~white-joke ( Suggested by SparrowSong and Featured by imperfect )
catching Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2006
I enjoyed some of the wordplay in this poem ("sun on sole" works really well), and the rhyming, internal and otherwise, is pretty solid. Why the thees and thines though? It's very archaic. Are you acknowledge the Romantic roots of the poem? I'm not sure it's necessary--in that way, at least. Is it supposed to a mockery? The rest of the poem doesn't acknowledge this tone. In addition, grammar like "thou shine" isn't proper conjugation--shineth is required, if thou is used.
white-joke Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2006
firstly, apologies for the tardy reply: i do not log on to this account often.

as for the thees and thines, they are of an eloquence lost to these modern days.
too, they are preferred modes of speech, when referring to other persons. especially when writing.

i thank thee for demonstrating the conjugation of words to follow "thou".
i have some learning to do. for while i am aware of hath, art, et al, the "eth" form was lost to mine understandings.

it is understood, too, that this piece is not in its entirety archaic; still, these forms are to be kept, for that is the way of the words.

how did you come about these forms? read much of ye olde english, do you?
catching Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2006
English major, lots of olde English reading (eh, yay?). And I would have to argue against the idea of "thee" and "thou" being preferred modes of speech, based not only on typical contemporary speech, but contemporary writing (I haven't seen thees and thines since the time of Keats, except for in mockery). The concept of forms meant to be kept, also, is something I would strongly disagree with. The evolution of words, modes of speech (as I know them, anyway, and as I think most do), syntax, etc, is what is most interesting, most applicable in writing. Here, the poem's subject is heavily hindered by the context your thees and thines give it; it becomes quite restricted to the achaic sense. The alleged eloquence of thees and thines has long since given way to a more applicable, contemporary sense of eloquence: the old eloquence, you might call it, is made significantly less eloquent by its contemporarily inapplicable connotations.
white-joke Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2006
boldy i presume that you also enjoy the verb "to get"...? and perhaps the sloppy, overuse of the words "just" and "like"?
posh and bollocks!

what jaw do you jabber, my good man?

gift me with your conjecture some of the modern connations which outrule, outclass, and outdo modes of antiquity, then i may come to realise and side with what you are saying unto me.
in present speech, there is no evolution; there is only slobbering regression into simple communication that says no thing in particular.

for clarification: the modes of thee/thou/thine are preferred by this one--meaning me.
catching Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2006
Arguments against "just" and "like" are void; they presuppose that similar unlikable (no pun intended) fillers did not exist in archaic language. Also void is the idea that allegedly simple communication says "no thing" in particular; that's simply not true. Contemporary language has, for the most part, a wider range of meanings than the archaic, definitions which have accumulated over time, and which have certainly progressed--not regressed--since that time (cases in which this is true come by the millions). Simply put, more definitions allows more connotations (simple use of words, in fact, create a wider range of connotation--uses which have "outdone" archaic language simply through time). The concept of language "outruling," "outclassing," or "outdoing" any other form of language is also void, being that these concepts, concepts such as "class," are based out of opinion. Clarity of writing is achieved through clarity of language; and, while words such as "thee" and "thine" are no less clear than words like "you" or "your," you'll notice the most effective form of communication are those which are linguistically relevant to the period of time in which they are used (to support your arguement, you would have needed to have referred to me as "thee" in the above response). In an attempt to preserve words such as "thee" and "thine," you're simply choosing words which you feel are superior, more pure. That's fine, as a matter of opinion, but understand the repercussions of building a wall between the archaic words you choose to use, and the more applicable language used by the majority: your readers. I would assume that the majority of readers and publishers would be more inclined to reject this sort of use, unless the poem thematically assumes a distance, historical or otherwise, between reader and speaker. Boiled down, what's your point? Why are you using these words other than the fact that you think they're "more eloquent"?
white-joke Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2006
what's thine is mine,
and what is mine
is actually a diamond mine.

all in all,
this finding of fault
is granular salt,

and insulting,
as it solves no thing--
and is revolting.

let us not speak of archaic speech
as if it is deigned to breach
the public's sleep.

nay, if one may be so bold
and brave, as to brave
the wave of worldy ways--

hearken: it is that language
is an art, which is grossly
on decline--and, verily,

what's thine to define
is fine, so long as 'tis not mine;
for, what is mine

is wrought of a diamond mind.
catching Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2006
..Alright, just trying to be constructive. Not insulting. Or revolting. Enjoy your (thine) diamonds.
white-joke Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2006
the words given me were much appreciated.
truly, what you have said will stick in mental cavities for a long while.
consider yourself an influence.

here i conclude the debacle by saying: i do not write to the public. i write to an ideal, with theideal being one of days long since past...and other such lyrical, idyllic nonsense.
catching Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2006
Bah. Archaic, even. Tricky 'r's.
Dreamgale Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2005
Utterly amazing.
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